Thursday, February 10, 2011

Angela Vs. Snow-pocalypse 2011

Snow-pocalypse has hit Memphis, Tn yesterday at 12:30 pm yesterday afternoon. Just about everything within a 5 mile radius of my house was shut down around 3 and it took my poor Jonathan 2.5 hours to get home from work yesterday thanks to the fact that the people of Memphis freak out over snow.

I was one of the people trapped at home. What did I do all day while awaiting the love of my life to come home?

I got to watch my dog run all over the backyard deck and shove snow up her nose like she was Tony Montana.

Angela LOVES snow. Seriously. She goes absolutely crazy when she sees it. This is how Angela's processing that there is snow falling occurs:

1. Angela looks outside the window and makes a deep growling sound and hunches into what I can only assume is a puppy battle stance as if the snow were a serial killer disguised as snow ready to chop me into itty bitty pieces

2. As soon as Angela realizes that the snow is not a serial killer but actually snow, she decides "Oh, wait! That's fun stuff! OMG! Mama, can I PLEASE go out in the snow?!" and starts hopping around on her hind legs.

3. Once she's started doing her little snow dance, she lets out this whining sound that is both heart breaking and infuriating at the same time. It sounds like a cross between nails on a chalkboard and Gopher's lisp from Winnie the Pooh and it goes on FOREVER. Maybe that's retarded puppy speak for "PLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSEEE
EE?"

Then I cave cuz I can't take the sound of her crying and let her outside.

Despite Angela's (many) mental short-comings, she looks like she's genuinely happy when she sees snow. We have a sloped backyard with a hill at the back of the yard, so there are lots of deep piles of snow for Angela to dive in like it was instead deep piles of Bacon Bits. Unfortunately, it looks like the snow is starting to melt. Right now Angela is playing "Watch Dog". The game consists of Angela acting like a regular, obedient dog, just sitting and protectively watching the neighbors' yards with a proud, almost Lassie-like demeanor.This usually lasts for about 20 seconds. Then Angela catches our next door neighbor committing the heinous, unforgivable crime of checking on the pipes in his backyard and feels the need to alert me by barking with excruciating passion.

Once Angela recognizes our neighbor and decides to let him off with a warning, she runs back to the deck and starts to sniff at and eat the melting snow and ice. She seems almost entranced by it.

Angela's thought process as she gazes at the snow: "For some strange reason, all that cold white stuff is getting smaller and wetter and making ME all wet! My God, outside is so much weirder than inside!"

**icicles drop from the roof rim of the house**

Angela: "YIPE! YIPE! YIPE! ARF ARF ARF!!! Mr. Man in the next yard!!! ARF ARF ARF!!! Help!! The house is breaking!! MAMA!! ARF ARF ARF ARF!!!!"

Mama (that's me): "ANGIE! Knock it off and get in the house!"

**Angela dashes into the house shivering and soaking wet with paws covered with snow and mud that I have to clean up while she runs upstairs to jump in my nice clean laundry basket I brought up**


Snow-pocalypse: 1

Angela: 0

Me: 0


Epic Fail.

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